If You’re Easy to Purchase, you’ll be Easy to Replace

By Wane A. Hailes

Recently, I had a conversation with a friend who has been divorced for years. When I asked her why she never remarried she said she was waiting on the Lord to send her next husband.

That seems to be a sentiment shared by quite a few women today. In fact, I have another college friend who recently turned 60 who has never married. Both ladies said they date, but just haven’t found the right man worthy of their commitment.

I shared with each of them what comes to mind when I hear women say; “I’m waiting on the Lord:”  The Parable of the Flood

A man was trapped in his house during a flood. He began praying to God to rescue him. He had a vision in his head of God’s hand reaching down from heaven and lifting him to safety. The water started to rise in his house. His neighbor urged him to leave and offered him a ride to safety. The man yelled back, “I am waiting for God to save me.” The neighbor drove off in his pick-up truck.

The man continued to pray and hold on to his vision. As the water continued to rise, he had to climb up to the roof. A boat came by with people heading for safe ground. They yelled at the man to grab a rope they threw him in order to take him to safety. He told them, "I am waiting for God to save me." They shook their heads and moved on.

The man continued to pray, believing with all his heart that God would save him. The floodwaters continued to rise. A helicopter flew by and a voice came over a loudspeaker offering to lower a ladder to rescue him off the roof. The man waved the helicopter away, shouting back, "I am waiting for God to save me." The helicopter left.

Eventually, the flood waters came over the roof, caught him up and swept him away. He drowned.

When he reached heaven and asked, “God, why did you not save me? I believed in you with all my heart. Why did you let me drown?”

God replied, “I sent you a pick-up truck, a boat and a helicopter and you refused all of them. What else could I possibly do for you?” 

I believe far too many women are expecting God to send them an IBM (Ideal Black Man) and they tend to look over the BMW (Black Man Working) He sends their way every day. I’m going to leave that for another column.

As a man with daughters, a sister and nieces, I remember the changes I’ve sent women through and how I have used some for my own selfish needs. Looking back, I can honestly say I’ve never been abusive, and I’m not worried about getting caught up in the “#metoomovement,” but still I’m not proud of some of my actions. 

What I’m about to say is going to sound wrong to some of you ladies, but I ask that you hear me out.

Some of you bring your problems with men on yourself. If you’re not being treated with love and respect, check your price tag. Perhaps you have marked yourself down.

It’s you who tells people what you’re worth by what you accept. Maybe it’s time for you to GET OFF THE CLEARANCE RACK and get behind the glass where they keep the valuables.

Learn to value yourself more. If you don’t, no one else will.

Whenever you choose to engage in any kind of relationship with another human being, there is always some cost involved.  It will cost you your heart, your spirit, your body and your mind. It will cost your emotions, your time, your commitment and your energy.

In relationships we all come with a price tag, and we will value ourselves with the price tag that we believe we deserve. But even more sobering, we will allow ourselves to be purchased at the price that we place on ourselves.  

If you believe you’re worth a mere $50, or an extravagant meal and a night out on the town–or an ambiguous relationship that revolves only around sex— that is exactly what you will get.

Don’t be so desperate for love that you set your price tag too low. Remember if you’re easy to purchase, you’ll also be easy to replace.